The Christmas Blah

All I can say is that anymore Christmas is not the fantastic holiday it used to be. Why? Too many of the people I used to spend time with on Christmas are gone. Now to be completely honest I’ve never been the big group kind of guy anyway. I hate crowds and try to limit the time spent in or around them. I never go to concerts, I avoid bars or restaurants that are crowded, and just melt into the background if I find myself in a crowded room or any other location. This will work fantastically for marketing my book and increasing sales, he says with a sarcastic tone in his voice. But still spending time with those closest to me was fun while it lasted.

My idea of a good holiday is to cook or even just eat a good meal. We had Mom’s egg noodles and I had fried chicken this year. Yes there was mashed tators, corn, rolls and other things but the main part was just chicken and noodles. During and then after the meal we watch a good movie or two and laugh and joke around. Ah the good old days.

My holiday now is still eating and a movie but it is much harder to accomplish (schedules) and there is little laughter in the air. Oh I love a good laugh as much as anybody and trust me I still have enough to laugh at but there are just not as many to laugh WITH now. That is a really good question. Is a joke still funny if there is no one there to laugh at it?

The aunt we spent Christmas with this year has dementia and I’m never sure she really recognizes us most of time. She will say she or act like she does but I wonder. It cut deep when she said “I haven’t seen you guys in  while.” She says that a lot but this time was worse because its true. I last saw her almost 2 weeks ago when I came in for one of her meetings and gave her a photo of her whole family back in the day. She was able to recognize most of the people in the photo but sadly can’t remember us or any recent events very well.

Diabetic wise this year was no different than previous years. High for various added carb intake scenarios. Being off work for an extended period does not help with this as I completely change all my activity times and levels. Where I normal sleep I am now awake and vice versa. That one sucks. I am using more basal insulin as sleeping during the night now I burn less carbs so need more insulin. We also have way too many added treats around the house this time of year. I always talk about trying to be normal and eating such treats is part of that normality.

I can not wait to get back to the way things are normally. Not that I actually like work, hate my temporary assignment currently, but I hate being out of sync more. I like being in a rut. Having the same timeline each day is nice, for me at least. If you haven’t guessed by now, this holiday has me depressed a little. No money to do anything really fun or interesting, few REAL friends to spend time with, and not getting nearly as much done as I had hoped on the extra long holiday break have taken its toll on my soul. I’m a poet and didn’t know it. Just getting things back to normal will be a big relief to me. I’m just waiting this out.

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