Making decisions for me

I just got done posting something along these lines on Facebook. I read a post that struck a cord with me. It was about not making decision to make others happy but to make yourself happy instead. I feel that comment strongly represents my outlook on life currently.

Why? I came to the conclusion a while ago that there is no one out there looking after me but me. So many decision I’ve made in the past have to help others or my workplace out. Can you work this day? Can you help me move this furniture? Can you tow my car/truck? Can you help fix this or that?

Don’t get me wrong, I’ll help out the next guy (or girl) if I can but do not look at me with an evil eye if I say no. I’m not here on earth to make everyone else happy. Be it work, my health, my finances, or anyting else in my world it has to work for me whether others are happy about it or not.

In the past I have been for the most part silent when moved from place to place at work or asked to do extra tasks. In several jobs I have been cross trained in different duties because I pick things up quick. At a lawn mower manufacturer, I ended up cross trained on almost everything but welding. I worked in receiving, shipping, line material handler. parts picking, assmebly, weld parts picking, and was willing to do the other chores that got added over time. The breaking point was when they started to lay us off for months at time instead of only 2 weeks each year. I can not go without that insurance so I found another job and quit.

In my current job, I started as a material handler but was apparently not very good at as I was alwasy getting told all the mistakes I was making but never if I was doing anything right. OK it took me almost 3 years to earn a spot as a machinst but apparently I was not very good  it either. Always heard “you need to work faster” or “do we need to retrain you” so I must not have been very good at it. Funniest part was my coworkers thought I was doing a good job, it stopped there though. I found another position about a year later but even though it was going back the same job description I had before, material handler, I was demoted and had my pay cut but I was happier there so I took the position. Then just a few months ago I was forced into a position I had been cross trained in. When asked when I woud be able to go back to clearing tables I was told it was going to be permenant. Sadest part of it was I really liked clearing the tables. It was hard work, I think that is what I actually liked most about it but no one else seems to.

My solution was to ramp up my search for a new job. I had been looking since I reallized things were not going to get better in the machine shop years ago. I’m giving up 4 1/2 years of seniority and decent vacation but that senority does not seem to mean much since I was the one forced into a position I did not want. I had been told a few times that I was good and people seemed to request me to do these many different things because of that. Now I am stuck in a postion that I am happy to fill in on temp basis but it is not temporary change.

I can’t stop there. Work is not the only place I have made my own decisions which do not always agree with those around me. My healthcare is a big sticking point as well. For many years my now former endocrinologist and I had discussions or maybe even closer to arguements about what my treatment was or where my treatment was going to go. I was talked twice into trying a pump but both times it ended up not going well. She told me just like at work what I was doing wrong all the time but she did not realize I was not a “normal” diabetic. We finally got to that point when after the second pump didn’t work she had me tested and admitted she didn’t know what to do with me. I left her care shortly after as it didn’t seem she was really listneing to me. I had been telling her I was not normal since I first met her. I argued against the pump but after promises were made I agreed. After it failed to stop lows and ended up raising my A1C, we argued about where to go. She wanted to set me up on a med that she apparently forgot she had me try before going back to the pump again. I ended the argement by starting back on the same insulin I had been on before without her complete agreement.

OK, the point I am making is that I am the only one truely looking out for me. Employers will look at what is best for them, doctors on what is best for them, and friends for what is best for them. I don’t fault them too much for it but I can’t just sit there and let them decide my fait as they are not going to live it, I am. Getting my pay cut and placed into a position which I did not want pushes my decision to go elsewhere. The doctor pushing me to try a pump the second time then seeming to fight me getting off it, even though she said she woud support that decision, made me find another doctor.

My opinions are not meant to match anyone else’s as they are for me, not them, and they do not live my life. You can have your opinion as it should fit your life but not anyone else’s. We are all different and have different needs. If I can I will help you out but don’t expect me to surrender control of my life to make yours easier or to agree to your opinion. My decision are made by me for me, not you.

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